Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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