I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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