two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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