He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
