remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
