TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
