I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
