I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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