just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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