I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
