you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
