I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
