It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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