i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
