Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize