dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
