I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
