Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
