So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
