dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
