I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
