Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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