I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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