He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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