I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
