All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
