omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
