if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
