shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
