you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
