I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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