with your own penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
