DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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