dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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