i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
