go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
