I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
