it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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