I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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