My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
