Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i out mim tonsoeep
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