I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
