In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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