perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
