and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
