How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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