You made me cry and you don't even care
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
