I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
