You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
