hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
